A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Bad Beginning
by michi-hikari
Summary: Arts and Drama Week is here, and the major YuGiOh characters have been chosen to participate in a play rendition of 'A Series Of Unfortunate Events'. Roles are a surprise, you have to read to find out! Guaranteed funny, though!
1. The start of their troubles

**A Series of Unfortunate Events**

**Presented by the Yugioh characters**

By:****Kura, MichiHikari and Yami Mokuba

**Prologue**: How it all began

It was a normal day, as normal is it would ever get in Domino High. As usual, Yugi Motou was hanging out with his Yami and their friends: Tea, Joey, Tristan, Bakura, Ryou, Serenity, Mai, Marik and Malik (Marik is the Yami, Malik the hikari). The last two were not exactly friends, but, probably close enough. It was Friday, and the next week would be "Arts and Drama week", in which the students would have to either make an artistic masterpiece, or participate in a school play. Unfortunately for our heroes (more like main characters), they were chosen to take part in a play. Today, they would find out what play they would be doing, and what characters they would be role-playing as. On to your death...whoops... _class_, people!!

At drama class:

The drama coach, Ms. Kura, was standing in front of the class, waiting for them when they came in. She smiled a big, fake smile at them when they walked in. "Bananas are sweet!!" she announced when all was seated, and everybody got an anime-style sweatdrop at the back of their heads. Ms. Kura was known for her randomness, and she got even weirder when she was trying not to. She also had a British accent not unlike Ryou's. "Elephants are from Africa!!"

"Actually," Kaiba cut in, with a smirk in his face, "not _all_ elephants are from Africa. Some originate from...."

"That's nice," Joey interrupted loudly, and everyone giggled nervously. Kaiba glared daggers at Joey.

"Mutt." He hissed. He and Joey got into a glowering contest.

"If looks could kill...." Yugi sighed.

"Oh _no_!!!" Serenity cried out. "Don't die on me, big brother!! You promised!! _YOU PROMISED_!!!"

Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at Serenity, who was starting to hyperventilate. Ms. Kura walked over to the young girl and said kindly, "Do you want a soda? Disposable cameras are half-price at Walmart. 3-day sale only!!"

Now everyone stared at Ms. Kura. Marik stood up and walked out of the classroom. Bakura looked tempted to follow in his footsteps.

"Uh, Ms. Kura?" Yami put in. "The play, remember?"

Ms. Kura looked at the class, confused for a minute, and then realization dawned in her eyes. "Ohhh..."

"Yes..." everyone nodded.

"Okay!!" Ms. Kura clapped her hands thrice. "Okay class! Let's go to Walmart!! I'll drive!!"

Before everyone could leave collectively, Marik rushed in, a big smile on his face. "Fear no more, fellow classmates!! For I, Marik Ishtar, Yami of (useless) Malik Ishtar, is now in control of the situation!!"

"As _if_," Malik sniffed.

"I am!" Marik protested. "I have a written agreement between me and the principal!! It says I can help Ms. Kura coach you 'cause of her randomness!!"

Everyone looked at each other.

"Well, we do need to practice this as quickly as possible since we get graded," Tea said.

"And Ms. Kura _is_ random," Ryou agreed.

As if to further elaborate Ryou's point, Ms. Kura started singing the coconut song that goes:

"I have a lovely bunch of coconuts, dudududut!

There they are standing in the road, dut dut dut!

Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head!!"

With the last sentence, she grabbed Tristan's head for emphasis. Tristan yelped and squealed, pulling his head out of Ms. Kura's reach.

"Dude!! Not the hair!!" Tristan whipped out hair gel, a comb and a mirror from who knows where. "Duke!! Hold!!" and started styling his hair. Everyone else ignored them, and turned to Marik.

"Guess there's no other choice," Kaiba sneered. "But you better not make me do anything stupid."

"All right, then. They play you will be doing is a rendition of 'A Series of Unfortunate Events'. I have already decided which parts you're best suited for. I shall pass around a list. Take one, and give it to the person behind you." Marik was really getting into the role of teacher.

Everyone looked at the piece of paper in his/her hand. It said:

**A Series of Unfortunate Events Performed by select students of Domino High and other people Act One **

**Violet Baudelaire**: Seto Kaiba

**Count Olaf**: Maximillion Pegasus

**Klaus Baudelaire: **Noah Kaiba

**Justice Strauss**: Ishizu Ishtar

**Sunny Baudelaire: **Mokuba Kaiba

**Powder-faced woman 1:** Mai Valentine

**Powder-faced woman 2: **Tea Gardner

**Henchmen**: Duke Devlin, Tristan Taylor and Joey Wheeler

**Hook-handed man: **Shadi

**Mr. Poe**: Odion Ishtar

**All the other unimportant students who are not given roles shall be props people until perhaps the next act.**

**Costumes:** Yami Yugi, Malik Ishtar, Ryou Bakura and Yami Bakura.

**Set design/people who carry stuff:** Serenity Wheeler, Yugi Motou, and the Rare Hunters.

"Whaaat??!!" That was what was on everyone's lips as they found their names on the evil paper of doom.

"What are my brothers' names doing in this blasted piece of parchment?"

"I'm a freaking _henchman_? What's wrong with the world? I oughta be da star!!" that was from Joey, who else?

"If anyone should be the star it simply must be me!" Tea interrupted. "I mean, _powder-faced woman_? Eeew!"

"I DO NOT HAVE TOO MUCH POWDER ON MY FACE!!!" Mai screamed. Everyone stopped their own bantering to look at her. She immediately composed herself and said calmly, "I have too much FOUNDATION, not POWDER. Get that right, people!!"

"I'll make the best henchman ever, Serenity," Tristan was promising Serenity while patting his overly gelled hair tenderly. Duke rushed over and pushed Tristan away.

"Seriously, man, get real!!" Duke sniffed, twirling his hair with a finger. "The only guy who's going to be the _best_ henchman ever would be _me_."

"Dream on!!"

"Carry? Heavy?" Yugi looked uncertain. Verrrrrry uncertain.

"Oooh, costumes..." Malik and Bakura looked like they were the only people who were happy about the arrangements. Odion just agreed with everything Malik said, thinking that was one of his responsibilities. That and screaming, "_EEVILLL!!_" whenever Marik came near.

"I think I know what you're thinking about," Yami said proudly. "And you must not do that. For it is the DESTINY! of this play to be successful. Such acts of pure evil must not be permitted!!"

"Goody two shoes." Malik muttered.

"Goody two shoes," Odion parroted, nodding. Marik walked over to them to inform then that such acts of name-calling are not tolerable by the standards of a very good teacher, as he is. Odion gasped as Marik drew closer.

"_THE MASTER'S DARK SIDE ARRIVES!! WE MUST VANQUISH HIM!" _Odion screamed, pointing at Marik. "_Nooo_!!" He cried out, running around in circles. He turned to Malik, wide-eyed. "I shall protect, you, Master!!" He promised, and he leapt on Marik with a yell.

"Get off me!!" Marik yelled. He threw Odion on to the ground, and ran away from Malik, who was laughing hard.

Odion coughed weakly, not getting up from the floor. "I am sorry, Malik." He said feebly. "I was –_cough_- unable to protect you. Please – forgive me." And with that, Odion's head collapsed against the floor.

Malik crept closer to the unmoving form. "Odion?" he asked timidly. When Odion didn't answer, Malik started to shake him. "No!! Odion!! Don't leave me _all alone_!! Nooo!!"

Suddenly, Odion's head lifted up from the floor. "How was my performance, Master Malik?" He asked happily. "Was I good enough to be a star?"

Malik immediately stopped sniffling and bopped Odion on the head, sending him to the floor again.

"Um, I think he's seriously hurt this time," Yugi said apprehensively.

"Class! Attention, class!!" Marik called out, clapping his hands. "You may now address me as Mister Marik."

Miss Kura, who was quiet since the thing with Tristan, suddenly shrieked loudly. She walked slowly to Marik, who watched her warily. "No," she said softly. "No, no, no, no, no." By then, she had reached Marik. She glared up at him with fire in her eyes.

"Whaa?" Marik cried out, surprised. No one had ever seen Miss Kura mad before.

"NO!" Miss Kura leapt on top of Marik, throttling him. "I am the ruler of the squirrels! FEAR ME!! We shall take over the world!! The world, I tell you!!" She yelled. Then, after a moment of thought, she added, "With Furbies, of course," giving Marik an extra squeeze in the throat.

"Ellkk...." Marik managed to choke out. Miss Kura looked down at him, and then got off him, releasing his too-tight throat.

"My _dear_!! What in the world were you doing, making me get on you and choke you like that?" Miss Kura said loudly. "You should not do things like that!! China is too far away from America!!"

Marik inched slowly away from Miss Kura. "Did you take your medicine today, Miss Kura?" he asked.

Miss Kura nodded. "My, you are a very smart little boy!!" she exclaimed. "Here, have some candy," she said, giving him a boom box she found in her pocket.

"Hey! Thanks!" Marik said happily, while everyone else (except Odion, who was out cold on the floor, of course) wondered how the boom box fit in Miss Kura's pocket. He took the boom box from Miss Kura and put it on the table next to him.

"No, silly little boy," Miss Kura said. "You don't do that to candy; they get dirty!!" She snatched the boom box from the table and forced in it Marik's mouth. "There!! See how easy it is?"

Marik started running around, the boom box still in his mouth, until Mai smacked him on the back of his head, and the boom box fell out. He handed it back to Miss Kura. "You can keep it," he said weakly.

Miss Kura looked disappointed, but she put the boom box back in her pocket. "Oh well. Start practice," she called, behaving the closest to being normal anyone has ever seen her.

Mister Marik handed everyone copies of the script, and kicked the props and costume people to the costume room to start making backgrounds and stuff. As they were leaving, they could all hear Serenity screaming, "He is _so_ mean!!! I mean, _kicking us out_!! I never thought people like him existed!! Separating me from my darling big brother!!!"

Everyone except Joey was _very_ happy that Serenity wasn't his or her sister.

Eheheheh. ;

First fanfiction of MichiHikari uploaded!!! (Finally) But yeah. I had some problems at first with document manager.... but it's all gone now!!! First 5 people to review gets cookies and special mention in next chapter!!! Hope you like my story!!!

P.S. Thank you, Kura-chan, for the idea for this fic. Thanks too, future self (you know who you are) for the encouragement.


	2. Take One! And Two and Three

**A Series of Unfortunate Events**

**Presented by the Yugioh characters**

Chapter Two of Book One

By:****Kura, MichiHikari and Yami Mokuba

Chapter One: Practicing Act One, Part One 

It was a beach setting. Seto Kaiba, complaining and cursing loudly, threatened everyone who came by to "take this stupid dress off me or I shall sue you out of everything you have". Of course, everyone ignored him because it _is_ his costume.

Noah Kaiba was practicing his lines. "Oh, look at this _fascinating_ seashell," he said loudly, sounding extremely bored. "It's so... spiraly and swirly and seashell-like". He turned to Marik. "Can't I study computers instead?"

"There aren't any computers at the beach," Marik explained.

Noah looked surprised. "No? I thought there were computers _everywhere!!_" He then turned to Seto. "Seto, can we..."

"GET IT _OFF_!!!" Kaiba was running around in one spot, looking very much like a puppy chasing its own tail. In fact, he was trying to reach the dress' zipper, and he was failing miserably. Marik and Noah looked at each other and burst out laughing, clutching their stomachs and falling on the sand, almost hitting Mokuba, who was practicing crawling.

"Yes!" Mokuba called out. "Success!!" Now he picked up the swirly, spiraly seashell Noah dropped and bit it, hard. "Yeow!!!" he wailed. "Why does Sunny Baudelaire have to bite hard stuff!" He ran around blindly, and hit Seto, who fell over and squashed Marik and Noah, causing in all four of them screaming loudly.

"_SILENCE_!!!" Tea and Mai screeched. Everyone immediately stopped bawling and stared up at them with large, wet eyes (a/n: cuteness!!). Mai reached out and grabbed everyone by the ear, dragging them over to where they were supposed to be. "STRINGS!!!" she bawled.

Strings sauntered over and looked at everyone blankly, drool dripping off one side of his mouth. "Huh? Oh... yeah." He snatched up a cardboard clapper and exclaimed, "A Series of Unfortunate Events, Act One, Part One, Take one... Action!!!"

a/n: form this point on, I'll address everyone by their ASOUE character names.

Violet, Klaus and Sunny walked down the long stretch of beach. Violet threw rocks out into the ocean, her brain working on an invention to get your rocks back (Ahaha ". Try 'thinking of various ways to torture the people who forced him to put on that dress). She thought quietly for a minute, an evil smile slowly spreading across her face, then took a step towards the ocean and tripped, landing face-first on the sand.

"Big brothe--- sister!!" Klaus and Sunny cried out. Klaus jabbed Sunny sharply in the ribs and Sunny cried out.

"Oh, yeah... googa!! Booblah blah!!" Sunny called out, rolling her eyes. Violet stood up, sea water dripping off her face. "I LOATHE THIS," she muttered, and her wig fell off.

"Cut!!" Marik yelled. "Kaiba!! Your wig fell off!!"

"I'm not doing this anymore," Kaiba called back.

"Ok, then, you FAIL!!" Marik threatened, and Kaiba glared at him with the evil eye. (a/n: )

Muttering all the time, Kaiba pulled on the wig. "Fine," he spat. "Get it over with, Strings!!"

"A Series of Unfortunate Events, Act One, Part One, Take two!! Action!!" Strings called out obediently.

Violet dried out her hair, grumbling incoherent sentences. Klaus walked over to the tide pools, looking in them with his nose so close to the water, that a crab suddenly reached up and closed its claws on his nose. "Yaaa!!!" Klaus screamed, running around, pulling at the crab, who looked like it was laughing. Klaus tripped over Sunny, who was crawling around, picking at her dress. She scuttled near a rock, glared at it like it was the enemy, and circled it like a hunter circling his prey.

With an action movie yell, Sunny leapt on the rock and bit it savagely. Immediately after she did, she leapt off, clutching her tooth. "Ow!" She stared at the rock with large, scared eyes. "You win," she whimpered, scuttling away from it, but not taking her eyes off it for a second. She backed up near the edge of the stage, and Mai hissed, "Mokuba!! Line!!"

Sunny tilted her head at her, then understanding flickered in her eyes. "Ohh, BLAHGERRS!!" she screamed. When Klaus and Violet ignored her, she jumped on Klaus and yanked the crab off his nose. "Oh, thanks," he gasped. "That hurt."

Sunny points towards the left side of the stage, where a shadowy figure was drawing nearer, wearing a cloak and with a square-shaped head.

The figure grew nearer, and the children sighed in relief. It was only Mr. Poe (Odion), wearing a top hat. But when they could see Mr. Poe more clearly, they shrieked in surprise and shock.

Mr. Poe was wearing a tuxedo under a long, flowing cape, and high heels. He had also went all out in makeup, his eyelids laden down with eye shadow and eyeliner, both black. He was wearing dark red blush in circles on his cheeks, and black lipstick, all over a thick layer of foundation, making his face look _very_ pale. Of course, the makeup artist was Yami, who felt VERY proud of his handiwork.

Everyone gaped at Odion, who looked around, smiling. "Am I not the best-looking actor you've _ever_ seen? Huh? Huh?"

"The legend is true," Noah breathed.

"It's the _vampire clown_!!!!!" Mokuba screamed, completely forgetting that he wasn't supposed to speak in actual words, being Sunny and all. He wailed, showing everyone the little kid he truly was. Even Kaiba forgot about wearing a dress as he went over to Mokuba and started to comfort him, saying, "The curse isn't real, Mokuba." After a second of thought, he muttered softly, "Though the fool does look like the boogeyman or even worse, a _clown gone bad._" (a/n: scary....though aren't all clowns bad to begin with?)

"Did you say something, big brother?"

"Oh no, nothing at all, Mokuba." Kaiba fretted, sweat drops running down the back of his head.

Mai turned to Tea and whispered, "Kaiba looks like a big sister."

"Black hair suits him," Tea agreed. "_Long_ black hair." They looked at each other and giggled.

Kaiba's ear twitched, and he swirled to glare at Mai and Tea. With a banshee shriek, he leapt off the stage towards the frozen girls. His eyes were wild and the wig hair standing on end, and the dress' skirt billowed out from under him. Seto Kaiba looked like a flying madwoman.

As you may have expected, it took quite some time to separate the three dress-clad women (and one _very_ unfortunate man) from each other. Chaos ensued all around the theater, caused from a domino-like chain reaction. It was the start of.... (dun dun dun!!) a series of unfortunate events.

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ha-ha!!!

Chapter two down. Well, I really didn't want to wait for reviewers before I posted the next chapter.... So I just put this in without any special mentions. Sorry!!!! I promise, though, I WILL put in special mentions in the most recent chapter I'll be working on.

For now, hey Kei-chan!!! I promised I'd put you in and I did!!!! Well, thank you, readers!!! On to the next level of my characters' suffering!!! Mwahahahahahahahaha!!!! I feel sorry for them.... Almost.

Don't look at me that way!!!! Aren't authoresses supposed to be this way....? Just Kidding


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